My job at home

It's my job to guard stuff. I like to guard my people. If they're home, I mostly have to be in the same room with them. This is exhausting when they're changing rooms all the time. Why can't they just pick a room and stay in it?

If they do pick a room and I can lie down, then I lie down between them and the door. I hate it when they both pick a room, but they pick different rooms. Sometimes I can find a spot where I can keep track of both of them. But mostly I'll just pick one or the other to watch.

I like to spend about half my day outside. If my people aren't home, I spend all day outside. If it's too hot or raining, I can go sleep in the garage. But my favorite place to sleep is on the deck, which is on top of the garage. I can see a long way from there. I can see the road and the driveway. There are only a few houses on our road, and I know which vehicles belong and which ones don't. I bark at the ones that don't.

Our neighbor gets water delivered every couple of days. I don't bark at the water truck. I don't bark at our cars or our neighbors' cars. Once my people got a different car, and I barked at that for a while until I remembered that car belonged here.

If somebody I don't know comes to our house, I have to let them know that a big ferocious dog lives here. I once barked at the furnace repair guy for three whole hours until he finally went away. That was exhausting. After a while I gave up on the big barks and just did little "wuufs" to make sure he knew I was watching him.

My job away from home

If we're some place that I don't know, then I have to lie down closer than if we're at home. Sometimes on the weekends, they take me to their office, then I have to lie right behind the chair. If we go to the park and they sit on a bench, I have to lie down on their feet. They didn't teach me this, I just do it.

When we're riding in the truck, people in other cars have to behave themselves. That means not looking at me. If they look or wave, I have to bark so they don't mistake me for any kind of wimpy dog. People on the sidewalk have to behave too. One time we were driving around town and there was a guy in a Power Rangers suit standing around waving at people. I barked at him real good.


Parties are really hard work. I have to know where everybody is. It's not too bad up to about 7 people, especially if I already know most of them. But when there are too many people to keep track of I have to choose just one person to bully. Usually I'll choose a woman. They're easier to intimidate than men.
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