The other part of being the low-dog on the totem pole is that I have to make sure that everybody else feels happy. Petting dogs is scientifically proven to make people happy, therefore somebody should be petting this dog now. Um, now as in now, ok?

How much do I have to grovel to get your attention? I'm not proud. I usually start with a simple sit. If that doesn't work, I'll try offering a paw. Ahem, get the hint. If that doesn't do the trick, I have to bring out the bigger guns -- lie down, crawl forward with my front legs and let my back legs trail out behind me. How can you resist this poor broken dog? Don't make me use the ultimate weapon -- otter dog. If I lie on my back I look just like one of those cute river otters. See, I could even propel myself with my tail. You! Yes, you! Pet the dog, laddie!